fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
