porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
