dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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