You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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