I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
