I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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