I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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