I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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