i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
