I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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