I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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