you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
