11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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