I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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