I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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