I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize