I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
