I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
