the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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