at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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