Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
