you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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