Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
