At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
