Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
