last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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