Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
