I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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