Just fell off a train. Bad.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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