i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
