I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i drank out of a bidet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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