I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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