I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The ass gains better be worth it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
