Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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