Already got asked if we're dating
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
