I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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