just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
