well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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