I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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