hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We had sex on a dog bed..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
