You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
