my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
