I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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