Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
that is very illegal...i love you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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