Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize