so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
