their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
