I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
