had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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