Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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