I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize