marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
