your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
