Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
