do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
