your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
