As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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