my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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