just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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