Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
