Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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