I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
