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Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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