Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
