So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
