So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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