Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
