My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
