if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
