I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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