Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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