the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Mom said you looked used
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
