ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
