She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
