that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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