Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bring me that man meat
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
